Joke of the Day

Whats black, white, and constantly turning?













































A panda stuck in a revolving door.



thats my favorite.

Funny picture in my head. Love it!

Nice!

weee haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Voltaire rocks! I saw him live a couple of years ago. He is very entertaining!

he was at dragon con accually he's there every year which is cool.

Lol... it's so true!!!

Ouch a Thousand year download for every thirty seconds of game time!

They should put a level in for hackers. Lol

Haha, yeah very true. Hackers & glitchers: Doomed to an eternity of battles with other players who have been given super-human abilities that you cannot attain. Every time you turn around they are behind you with a one hit kill and a "STFU Noob" comment. Every time you try to hide they can see you through the walls and find you. Every time you try to complain to an admin, three more appear and bum rape you from behind before you get a chance to say anything.

Yes! Ultimate revenge! Also every time they are insulted the best comeback they can come up with will be: Yeah....well....your....not...cool!! So there!

Dollars

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper's butt crack?


If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day...

Pyriel32 wrote:Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

Hand sanitizer .. and copious amounts of it.

Mmmmmhm. I wonder how the hand sanitizer market is these days? I mean, soooo much germaphopia stuffs.

Garfunkel64 wrote:Mmmmmhm. I wonder how the hand sanitizer market is these days? I mean, soooo much germaphopia stuffs.

Lets put it this way. If any manufactuer of hand sanitizer is traded on the open market. Buy lots and lots of it.

Yeah where i work it is a staple of life.

A Prayer for daddy

"Dear God, this year please send some clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Lol! Yay thanksgiving!!!

bwahaha! These are awesome lol.

So there were these three brothers (we'll call them Scott, Luke, and Chris)

One they they were discussing what they should get their mother for her birthday; it was her 100th birthday, and while still quite tough, (though her sight had left her, and she was blind) she was getting old. So this was a special birthday.

"Well," said Scott, "I'm going to buy her that $3,000,000 house with the view of the lake. It'll be a good home for her to have in the last days of her life."

Then Luke says, "I'm getting her a Ferari (sp?) with her own personal driver so she can get wherever she wants."

Then Chris sort of smiles, and says "I've been preparing for this for quite some time... I got her a parrot a long time ago, and I've been training it..." And he went on to explain how he was having the parrot memorize the entire bible; the new and old testament. Their mother had very much faith in God, and loved reading, but being blind, couldn't read anymore. So Chris had taken loads of money and several years, had sent this parrot to a monestary to be trained. You could name any book, chapter, and verse from the bible and the parrot would recite it word for word!

So the three sons arranged to give their mother these gifts. Several days after the birthday, the mother writes each of them a letter.

To scott, she writes "Dear scott, I appreciate the house, but... well, I'm just too old, the house is too big. I love it, but without anyone else, it just seems empty, and I can't keep it."

Then to Luke she writes, "Dear Luke. The car is great, but it's just too fast for me. I'm 100 years old. My bones just can't take that sort of thing anymore. I love it, but I'm going to have to graciously say I can't take it."

Then finally to Chris, she writes, "Chris! You always know exactly what I want! I love you. I just wanted to say.... THANK you, so much for the Turkey. It was DELICIOUS."

Baumer wrote:Haha, yeah very true. Hackers & glitchers: Doomed to an eternity of battles with other players who have been given super-human abilities that you cannot attain. Every time you turn around they are behind you with a one hit kill and a "STFU Noob" comment. Every time you try to hide they can see you through the walls and find you. Every time you try to complain to an admin, three more appear and bum rape you from behind before you get a chance to say anything.

haha and thus we have one of the reasons I stopped playing EVE after several months

Hahaha, doh! mmm turkey

Ahhhh EVE.... I play C.A. and it's entire community glitches or hacks, almost makes a bond between cheaters.... sigh....

Why she changed hotels !

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.
"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now
how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."