Firefly Fleet Announcements:
 
Welcome to Serenity Station!!
 
We now have a Tier three Starbase!!

Welcome to the Firefly Fleet!   Fleet and web updates will be found here!

 

Be sure to drop by our Allied forums and say hi!  Very Happy

Congratulations to new promotees!

Navigation

Index
Index
Calender
Photo Gallery
FAQ
Search The Forum
Firefly Fleet Protocols
Fleet Roster
Forum Memberlist
Usergroups
User Control Panel
Private Message Inbox

Team Speak

teamspeak server Hosting by TeamSpeak3.com

Latest topics

» removed from fleet and klingoon fleet emptied
Yesterday at 4:28 pm by Lastline

» Nibiru
Tue Nov 22, 2016 3:04 pm by HareBrained

» Archon Class Assault Cruiser
Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:35 pm by Pyriel32

» Sphere Builder Lockbox
Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:38 am by Jonjah

» Steamrunner Bundle
Mon Oct 10, 2016 1:08 pm by Pyriel32

» artifacts
Mon Oct 03, 2016 12:21 pm by Pyriel32

» Second Chance Saloon
Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:54 am by Guest

» Team Speak 3 The Latest Editon
Mon Oct 03, 2016 4:52 am by Guest

» TimeLine
Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:22 am by Lastline


    Joke of the Day

    Share

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Guest on Fri May 08, 2009 6:20 pm

    Top 10 Least Popular Courses at Starfleet Academy



    10. Admiral Uniform Design.
    9. Anthropology 502: Mating Habits of the Pakled.
    8. Crashing Starships on Planets.
    7. Literature 404: The Knock-Knock Joke In Vulcan Literature.
    6. Jim Kirk's Women: A Career Retrospective.
    5. Engineering 101: Inflating Repair Estimates.
    4. Horta Wrestling.
    3. Klingon Cuisine (lab).
    2. Statistics 300: The Data On Command Baldness.
    1. Android Studies: The Role of Mechanicals in Federation History.

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Sat May 09, 2009 12:53 am

    I will take #2 Statistics on Baldness. It just sounds fascinating afro

    qoona
    Done the Impossible

    Fleet Rank : Captain
    Engineering Dept. Rank : SED Captain
    Number of posts : 705
    Ship Name : USS Nausicaa
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-71830
    Ship Class : Norway Class
    Fleet Division : Engineering/Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Laphiel N`Ruri

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by qoona on Sat May 09, 2009 4:54 pm



    __________________________________________________________
    You cant make fun of others, if you cant make fun of yourself

    I am an actor not a doctor!- Jackson DeForest Kelley

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Guest on Sat May 09, 2009 6:46 pm


    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Sun May 10, 2009 1:28 am

    LOLZ and wow to both of those!

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Guest on Mon May 11, 2009 8:39 pm

    Twenty Things That

    Never Happen In Star Trek



    1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.



    2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.



    3. Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.



    4. The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which
    later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form just wearing a
    funny hat.




    5. The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which
    the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.




    6.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people
    which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.




    7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.



    8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with
    the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
    bring the right leads.




    9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
    faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.




    10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.



    11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.



    12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where
    everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed
    to be exactly what it seems.




    13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
    fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
    everyone's satisfaction.




    14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.



    15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and
    isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.




    16. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.



    17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves
    out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley
    Crusher.




    18. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git,
    and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a
    change.




    19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being
    able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three
    sentences that anyone says to him.




    20. Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2009 7:53 pm

    ===================================================

    Borg Song Parodies:
    Living in the Borg
    -adapted by trollus of Borg(That's we!)

    ====================================================



    There's something wrong in the universe today.

    We know what it is.

    "The Starship Enterprise"

    We have seen them once or twice,

    We know they're not yet ours.

    We're what they would call "surprised"



    Living in the Borg.

    Living in the Borg.

    Living in the Borg.

    Living in the Borg.



    There's something wrong in the universe today.

    It's ugly, and has too much hair.

    and it calls itself "Me"

    If you can name the species,

    by the colors of their skin,

    then 2 of 6, you're a better Borg than We



    Living in the Borg.

    We will stop their futile stalling.

    Living in the Borg.

    We will stop them real soon.

    Living in the Borg.

    We will stop their futile stalling.

    Living in the Borg.



    Tell us, do you think they should be assimilated,

    aggrivated then frustrated

    They're getting to us.

    If the Federation says the Borg are coming,

    Even if they weren't, wouldn't they come crawlin'

    back again?

    I bet they would

    ("our friends")

    again and again and again and again.



    There's something wrong in the universe today.

    And the Borg knows it's wrong.

    But we can't do anything about it.

    But we know they're just hanging on.



    (clock ticks)



    (Phaser fire)



    (explosion)



    Living in the Borg.

    Living in the Borg.

    Living in the Borg.

    Living in the Borg.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Living in the Borg.

    We will stop their futile stalling.

    We will stop them real soon.

    Living in the Borg.

    We will stop their futile stalling.

    Living in the Borg.

    They will be one of us.

    They will be one of us.

    Living with the Borg.

    We will stop their futile stalling.

    We will stop them real soon.

    Living in the Borg.

    We will stop their futile stalling.

    Living in the Borg.

    ==================================================



    Two Borg ships

    adapted by trollus of borg (that's We!!!!)



    ==================================================



    One, Two, Borg ships lay before you.

    (That's what we said, now)

    Borg ships, Borg ships who deplore you.

    (That's just too bad, now)

    This one will assimilate your brain.

    (You've got no chance, now)

    This one will do just the same.

    (We'll be enhanced, now)



    That one, will make you dissolve.

    (That's what we said now)

    There's no problem that we can't solve.

    (It's in our heads, now)

    Get killed by them, no more stupid chatter.

    (You're life's worth cents now)

    Get killed by us, it doesn't really matter.

    (There's no difference, now)



    "Awwww, assimilate him then assimilate me.

    Resistance is Futile, I now can see.

    Ain't got no more future, no family-tree

    But I know how a really bad Borg ought to be,

    I know how a really bad Borg ought to be...

    Auughhhh!!!"



    Said if you want to make them one of us

    (Just go ahead, now0

    And if you want to fight and fuss

    (Don't even try, now)

    If you want to get the Enterprise

    (Just go ahead now)

    And if you want to see our demise.

    (Don't even try,now)



    ==============================================================



    Always look on the Borg side of life

    -adapted by trollus of Borg (That's we!)



    =============================================================



    Most things in life are bad

    They can really make you mad.

    Other things just make you swear and cuss.

    When you're chewing on Life's gristle

    Don't grumble, give a whistle,

    and just be glad you're not yet one of us...

    And...



    ...always look on the Borg side of Life...

    (whistle)



    Always look on the Borg side of Life...

    (whistle)



    If life seems jolly rotten,

    There's something you've forgotten.

    and that's to pray that we're not coming yet

    If you think that you'll be saved.

    The road to freedom is now paved.

    All we say is "wanna make a bet"



    And...always look on the Borg side of Life

    (whistle)



    Come On.

    Always look on the Borg side of Life.

    (whistle)



    For life is quite absurd,

    "Assimilation"'s the final word.

    If we must, we'll go that extra mile...

    Forget about the fight.

    'cause the Borg are always right.

    And We're sure you'll know resistance is futile.



    So...Always look on the Borg side of death.

    (whistle)



    Just before you draw your terminal breath

    (whistle)



    Life's a piece of shit

    when you look at it.

    That's why we do what we do.

    Just remeber that we're here.

    We're not going anywhere,

    and soon we'll be coming after you.



    And...always look on the Borg side of life.

    Always look on the Borg side of Life.

    (whistle)



    Cheering up is irrelevent

    Always look on the Borg side of Life.

    (whistle)



    Always look on the Borg side of Life.

    (whistle)



    Worst things happen in space, you know.



    Always look on the Borg side of Life.

    (whistle)



    We mean - what have you got to lose?

    You came from nothing?

    You're going back to nothing.

    What have you lost? Nothing.



    Always look on the Borg side of Life.

    (whistle)

    (fade)

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Wed May 13, 2009 10:13 pm

    lol... that was... well... kinda wierd... but funny in a python borgish sort of way. Very Happy

    Jonjah
    Fleet Mom

    Fleet Rank : Captain
    Medical Division Rank : MD Captain
    Number of posts : 571
    Location : Serenity Station
    Fleet Division : Science/Medical

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Jonjah on Mon May 18, 2009 9:16 am

    The Buffalo Theory
    The "Buffolo Theory" of Beer..

    A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

    This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

    In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

    In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

    That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!


    __________________________________________________________

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Mon May 18, 2009 12:24 pm

    HAhahaha It finally makes sense!!

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Mon May 25, 2009 11:25 am

    After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"
    "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Bob, do we still have intercourse?"
    And there was a hush you could hear a pin drop.
    Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Nancy, I told you a hundred times....what we have is Blue Cross!"

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Mon May 25, 2009 11:28 am

    Ok I know this one is going ot get me killed by Jonjah.


    BBQ Rules

    BBQ RULES We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
    Routine...
    (1) The woman buys the food.
    (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert ..
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
    (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
    Here comes the important part:
    (5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
    More routine...
    (6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
    (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
    Important again:
    (Cool THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
    More routine...
    (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
    (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.


    And most important of all:
    (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
    (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

    Lastline
    Commander Air Group

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Serenity Starfighter Corps : FSC Fleet Chief Flight Marshal
    Number of posts : 3320
    Location : The Second Chance
    Ship Name : Sun Burst
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-989543
    Ship Class : Valkyrie
    Fleet Division : Starfighter Corps (The Fireflys)

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Nathan "Lastline" Merano

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Lastline on Mon May 25, 2009 3:58 pm

    Razz nice! Razz
    Funny BBQ story I pulled my old grill out and began to use it again about two weeks ago. I normally use a name brand charcoal but thought I would be frugal and bought some no name match light stuff. So after some extensive work to get this junk to light I go about and cook my families meal. About an hour later I go back to clean off the grills cooking surface and put it away for the night. I look in through the smoke hatch and confirm the fire is out. As I open the grill, FOOM! A fireball comes out of the grill catching my right arm burning off all the hair, destroying my favorite watch and giving me what looks like a bad sunburn. Me neighbor is an RN and she told me there was no need to go to the hospital. About a block from my house is a Fire station I went over and asked how this could happen. They informed me that match light charcoal can contain great combustibility even after being dormant for twenty four hours. They also recommended I never use match light charcoal again and in fact recommended propane. That part I tuned out.


    __________________________________________________________

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Tue May 26, 2009 9:26 am

    Ick propane , dude hope your arm is ok. I love my grill as much as i love my tools Jonjah says that i look like a manly man when I’m out cooking on it ... so I cook on the grill as much as possible. funny story about our grill my dad asked my wife what she wanted for our seventh wedding anniversary she said a grill (Jonjah is a country girl from Colorado so yes MY wife wanted a grill) because when we moved into our house we had to leave the grill that we made from a 50 gal oil drum (sniff i miss my first grill) . Well I forgot about it and my dad and I went to home depot , he said he needed to pick out a grill for a friend and which one did I like . So I made a b-line straight to this huge charcoal and wood smoker /grill and my dad that one looks good and we put it in the buggy . Well my dad is dropping me off he says we need to get your grill off the back of the truck , I said due huh. He repeated himself help me get your grill off the back of the truck. I squealed with glee ( yes I squealed what of it?) and helped him take this monster box down from the truck. After we got it down he said it’s all yours and I spent 4 hours putting that thing together . Jonjah when she got home saw the grill immediately got back in the car and went to the store and bought steaks , and chicken and hot dogs ( yes my wife is a carnivore didn’t I tell you she is from Colorado ) and some charcoal and some apple wood chips. God that was good eating that night. Damnit I need to grill tonight.

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Tue May 26, 2009 9:28 am

    Well, isn't that precious?

    Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

    The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

    The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.
    When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

    The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..

    Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.

    Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

    "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

    "Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"

    The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious"...

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Sat May 30, 2009 7:26 am

    Business is Business ...

    A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
    Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
    "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
    The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
    After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
    "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Sat May 30, 2009 7:28 am

    Dear Grand-son,

    The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker...
    I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting... So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
    Boy, am I glad I did; an uplifting experience followed.
    I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
    It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
    I found that lots of people love Jesus!
    While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
    'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
    What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
    Everyone started honking!
    I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
    I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
    There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
    I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
    I asked my your younger brother John in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
    Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
    John burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
    A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
    I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
    So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
    I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
    So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
    Will write again soon,

    Love, Grandma

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Sat May 30, 2009 7:43 am

    The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
    The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

    The local paper read:

    PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

    The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

    This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
    The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
    NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

    The bishop fainted.

    He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

    This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
    The bishop was buried the next day.

    The moral of the story is .. .. . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.

    So be yourself and enjoy life.

    Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Sat May 30, 2009 9:27 am

    Truth.

    Lastline
    Commander Air Group

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Serenity Starfighter Corps : FSC Fleet Chief Flight Marshal
    Number of posts : 3320
    Location : The Second Chance
    Ship Name : Sun Burst
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-989543
    Ship Class : Valkyrie
    Fleet Division : Starfighter Corps (The Fireflys)

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Nathan "Lastline" Merano

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Lastline on Sat May 30, 2009 5:18 pm

    LMAO! Razz


    __________________________________________________________

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Tue Jun 02, 2009 7:25 am

    Ole was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.

    "Twenty dollars" she whispers.

    He'd never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it's only twenty bucks.

    So they hide in the bushes. They're going "at it" for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them-- it's a police officer.

    "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

    "I'm making luff to my vife," Ole answers indignantly.

    "Oh, I'm sorry." says the cop. "I didn't know."

    "Vell," says Ole, "I din't neder, 'til you shine dat light in her face!

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Tue Jun 02, 2009 7:27 am

    Italian Tomato Garden:

    An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
    His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be
    over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
    Love, Papa

    A few days later he received a letter from his son.

    Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

    Love,
    Vinnie

    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
    That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

    Dear Pop,
    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

    Love you
    Vinnie

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:42 am

    HAHAHAHA Love it!

    Stronin
    Done the Impossible

    Fleet Rank : Commander
    Engineering Dept. Rank : SED Commander
    Number of posts : 704
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : USS Mainesburg
    Ship Registry Number : 89557
    Ship Class : Excelsior Redesign
    Fleet Division : Engineering/Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name:

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Stronin on Tue Jun 02, 2009 12:12 pm

    Really liked that last one Smile


    __________________________________________________________

    Lastline
    Commander Air Group

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Serenity Starfighter Corps : FSC Fleet Chief Flight Marshal
    Number of posts : 3320
    Location : The Second Chance
    Ship Name : Sun Burst
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-989543
    Ship Class : Valkyrie
    Fleet Division : Starfighter Corps (The Fireflys)

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Nathan "Lastline" Merano

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Lastline on Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:50 pm

    Wow! Now thats thinking on your feet!


    __________________________________________________________

    Sponsored content

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Sponsored content Today at 10:30 am


      Current date/time is Fri Dec 09, 2016 10:30 am