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    Joke of the Day

    Share

    Fr3nchy117
    So very pretty

    Fleet Rank : Lt. Commander
    Engineering Dept. Rank : SED Lt. Commander
    Number of posts : 461
    Location : Lost in my own mind. which is wandering. inside your face.
    Ship Name : USS Albatross
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-83117
    Ship Class : Steamrunner
    Fleet Division : Engineering/Ops

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Fr3nchy117 on Sun Jan 31, 2010 4:48 am

    ha! that is epic.

    Q: Why don't dinosaurs smile?










    A: CUZ THEY ALL DEAD.


    __________________________________________________________

    qoona
    Done the Impossible

    Fleet Rank : Captain
    Engineering Dept. Rank : SED Captain
    Number of posts : 705
    Ship Name : USS Nausicaa
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-71830
    Ship Class : Norway Class
    Fleet Division : Engineering/Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Laphiel N`Ruri

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by qoona on Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:33 am

    i dunno about this. eveyi pictures with t-rex show them kind of smiling.

    Btw nowest harry potter spinoff:



    __________________________________________________________
    You cant make fun of others, if you cant make fun of yourself

    I am an actor not a doctor!- Jackson DeForest Kelley

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Sun Jan 31, 2010 10:59 am

    Nerd?
    A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.
    One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.' The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.' The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.' Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
    She comes up to the guy and she says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?' 'Ten years!', he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!'
    Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?'
    He replies, 'Ten years!' She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow! That's fantastic!' Then she starts unzipping this long zipper
    that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'
    And the man replies, 'My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?'

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:38 pm

    hahahaha, nice. Very Happy

    Cussing at Work

    Dear Employees:

    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

    Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

    We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

    Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in

    an effective manner.




    Number 1
    TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.





    Number 2
    TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.





    Number 3
    TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?





    Number 4
    TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible..
    INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.





    Number 5
    TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!



    Number 6
    TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.



    Number 7
    TRY SAYING:&n bsp;I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.





    Number 8
    TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: What the f___?





    Number 9
    TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.





    Number 10
    TRY SAYIN G: I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?





    Number 11
    TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
    INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.





    Number 12
    TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.





    Number 13
    TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.





    Number 14
    TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.





    Number 15
    TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.





    Number 16


    TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.





    Number 17
    TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?





    Number 18
    TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.




    Thank You,
    Human Resources

    Garfunkel64
    Firefly

    Fleet Rank : Captain
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps :
    Security/Marine Rank : FMC Major
    Number of posts : 1747
    Location : On the flightline, rep'n jets.
    Ship Name : USS Dark Knight
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-117076
    Ship Class : Sovereign
    Fleet Division : Marines/Security

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Art Garfunkel

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Garfunkel64 on Sun Jan 31, 2010 4:07 pm

    lololololololoollllll.... I've never worked in a cubicle environment, but man that's funny.


    __________________________________________________________
    Alliance Commander: Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.

    Mal: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."


    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Guest on Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:37 pm

    That's awesome!

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Guest on Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:44 pm

    A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops in a bar for a beer.

    As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down.

    The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says, "You smell kind of nerdy, and just what do you do for a living?"

    The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."

    The bartender says, "OK, truck drivers are not nerds," and serves him a beer.

    As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.

    The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

    The truck driver asks, "Why did you do that?"

    The bartender said, "Oh, don't worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license."

    So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, And heads back onto the freeway.

    Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway.

    He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

    He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

    A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

    The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

    "Sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

    Garfunkel64
    Firefly

    Fleet Rank : Captain
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps :
    Security/Marine Rank : FMC Major
    Number of posts : 1747
    Location : On the flightline, rep'n jets.
    Ship Name : USS Dark Knight
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-117076
    Ship Class : Sovereign
    Fleet Division : Marines/Security

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Art Garfunkel

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Garfunkel64 on Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:53 pm

    LOL Baitem'....


    __________________________________________________________
    Alliance Commander: Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.

    Mal: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."


    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:04 am

    During a recent password audit at a
    large company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was
    using the following password:


    "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"






    When asked why she had such a long password, she said

    she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long
    and include at least one capital.....

    Riis

    Fleet Rank : Lieutenant
    Number of posts : 13
    Ship Name : U.S.S Mojave
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-93661
    Ship Class : Defiant class Tactical Escort
    Fleet Division : Command

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Riis on Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:01 pm

    Two molecules are passing by each other. The first one says to the second "Hey, I'm missing an electron. Have you seen one loose around here?" The second replys "No I haven't. Are you sure you lost one?". The first molecule replys "Yes, I'm positive!"

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:35 am

    Woot! Very Happy Science jokes weeeeeee! hehe

    Baumer
    Fleet Admiral

    Fleet Rank : Admiral
    Serenity Diplomatic Corps : Senior Ambassador
    Number of posts : 4834
    Ship Name : USS Combination
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-77721
    Ship Class : Prometheus Class
    Fleet Division : Command

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Jeff Baumer

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Baumer on Mon Apr 12, 2010 3:24 pm

    Subject: God & Women


    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach
    when suddenly the sky clouded above his head.
    ... In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have
    tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
    one wish."
    The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to
    Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
    The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of
    the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking;
    the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific
    and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it,
    but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly
    things. Take a little more time and think of something
    that could possibly help mankind."
    The biker thought about it for a long time... Finally,
    he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could
    understand our wives; I want to know how she feels
    inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she
    means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make
    a woman truly happy."
    The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that
    bridge?"

    Pyriel32
    Director of Intelligence

    Fleet Rank : Fleet Admiral
    Special Operations Rank : SPO Fleet Admiral
    Intel Department Rank : INT Fleet Admiral
    Number of posts : 4650
    Location : Serenity Station
    Ship Name : U.S.S. ACHERON
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-97397-D
    Ship Class : Eclipse Class Intel Cruiser (Special Operations Refit)
    Fleet Division : Intel/Special Ops

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Pyriel Danto

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Pyriel32 on Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:32 pm

    DIFFERENT LEVELS OF EXERCISE
    DIFFERENT LEVELS OF EXERCISE

    It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise,

    but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric

    content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and

    proprietary" research they are proud to present the results.


    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    With her consent............................12 Calories
    Without her consent..................2,187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:
    With both hands.........................8 Calories
    With one hand..........................12 Calories
    With your teeth.......................485 Calories

    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
    With an erection......................6 Calories
    Without an erection...........3,315 Calories

    POSITIONS:
    Missionary................................12 Calories
    69 lying down..................... ......78 Calories
    69 standing up.........................812 Calories
    Wheelbarrow............... ...... ....216 Calories
    Doggy Style.............................326 Calories
    Italian chandelier....................2,912 Calories

    ORGASMS:
    Real.............................112 Calories
    Fake.................................1,315 Calories

    POST ORGASM:
    Lying in bed hugging..........................................18 Calories
    Getting up immediately......................................36 Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:

    If you are:
    20-29 years.........................36 Calories
    30-39 years.........................80 Calories
    40-49 years.......................124 Calories
    50-59 years....................1,972 Calories
    60-69 years....................7,916 Calories
    70 and over............................... A Miracle

    DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
    Calmly.............................................................32 Calories
    In a hurry.................................................98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door............5,218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

    Dagorel
    Big Damn Hero

    Fleet Rank : Commander
    Serenity Starfighter Corps : FSC Colonel
    Number of posts : 239
    Location : Kingman AZ
    Ship Name : Heiterkeit
    Pretoria
    Ship Registry Number : NCC-93272
    NCC-93127
    Ship Class : Light Cruiser
    Constitution Class

    Fleet Division : Starfighter Corps (The Fireflys)

    Main RP Character Profile
    Name: Sven Jorgensson

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Dagorel on Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:52 pm

    ROFLMAO!


    __________________________________________________________
    Sven "Dust" Jorgensson

    Sponsored content

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post by Sponsored content Today at 10:30 am


      Current date/time is Fri Dec 09, 2016 10:30 am